


Paralogize

by BigScaryDinos



Series: Jayus [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Bruises, Consensual Violence, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time for Everything Fest, Light Bondage, Light Masochism, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Violence, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Underage Drinking, Webcam/Video Chat Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-07 00:59:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10348863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigScaryDinos/pseuds/BigScaryDinos
Summary: the highschool AU that has been done to death.  PWP. Chapters are not entirely in order. (what else is new)Tyler always has something new he wants to try. Josh has problems with saying no.It's basically all downhill once Tyler finds out he's Josh's first.ORThe one where Josh finds out French kisses are better than French toast but not as good as French fries.





	1. I

 

They're in class. Josh flips the pencil around his fingers. Tyler tosses a pink eraser at him. The substitute drones on in the background.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Come over tonight? I wanna try something.”

“What kind of thing?”

“The kind of thing you probably don’t wanna talk about during Algebra.”

“Oh, that kind of thing.”

“Yeah, unless you want me to talk about it now.”

“No it’s okay.”

Josh tries to go back to his work, tries to put his pencil to paper, wants to solve equations and learn about imaginary numbers but he can't.

Tyler licks his lips.

 

***

 

Josh got wrapped up in Tyler because it was impossible not to. Nobody within a 40 mile radius said no to him. Star basketball player. The principal’s son. Easily one of the most popular kids at the school. He had the right words, the right clothes, the right look. His name was etched onto most of the trophies in the glasses case that hit you in the face upon entering the high school. Josh's name was on one. Nobody said _no_ to Tyler. If Tyler wanted you to get wrapped up in him, all you could do was see how many times you could stretch around his universe. He was a _sun_. Josh was lucky to be the fourth moon of a distant planet.

  


***

 

Josh didn’t have a key to the Joseph house, but he knew the back door code. Kelly and Chris had four kids and the security code would always be the last four of Tyler’s social security number. That was just one way that the world revolved around him.

  


***

 

Tyler was already down to his gym shorts by the time Josh walked in. Josh shut the door behind him and stood, watching Tyler in the center of the room.

“You’re late.” His hair was messy. He looked messy. His fingers curled around themselves. Josh felt alive watching him. It was five twenty three.

“You said to come at five thirty.”

“If you’re not early you’re late.”

“Whatever.”

“Just get in bed before I change my mind okay?”

“What a loss.”

“Get in bed.”

Josh wanted to say no, because just once he wanted to see what would happen if he said it, meant it, and left. But nobody said no to Tyler, and that included Josh.

 

***

The only time they kissed was when Tyler wanted to, when it was best for him. It was fine with Josh, who lived his life being tacked onto Tyler like some kind of desperate parasite. Tyler pulled away and pushed his hands against Josh's shoulders.

“I changed my mind.”

“Oh?” Josh raised one eyebrow.

“Get out of bed.”

“Alright.”

“Just, get on your knees, okay.”

 

***

  
  


Tyler had a way of sounding so totally bored during sex that Josh wondered most times if he even enjoyed it. Then he would tell Tyler as much and the younger, far more well off kid would look at him with his dark brown eyes squinted up to mock the other and say something along the lines of _If I didn’t like it why would I do it?_

Josh would wonder if he liked basketball or baseball. Girls or chorus. Going to church or playing video games. It seemed like everything Tyler did was business. Even sex. Straight to the point. 

Except Ty didn’t call it sex, he called it _fucking_ and the only time Josh would call Tyler just Ty was during that brief time before, during, and after. Once he left the house and started his trip home Ty was gone and Tyler was back and it was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Like Brad Pitt and Edward Norton in Fight Club. Like the sun and the moon.

Ty wanted him around, even if it was just business, sometimes it was a business he wanted to share with Josh. Tyler wouldn’t be bothered to so much as spare Josh a glance in the halls. 

 

***

  


“I wanna try something.” Ty said, his fingers were clutching gently at Josh’s shoulders.  His voice was even, his breathing unbothered by the labors below him.  Josh had only gotten half of a blowjob from Tyler once, and it was more like messy licks tossed wildly in during a handjob. Josh wasn't complaining though, it was good enough in the way that any contact make him shiver and shudder and melt into the mattress. Josh couldn’t even catch his breath once, let alone form a sentence. But then again they were two completely different people. He was far and away used to giving and that was fine. Josh worked his lips between Tyler’s legs in exactly the way he knew Tyler liked and nodded his head. This far in he could never even imagine the word no. Even as a joke.

  


***

  


It was a scarf from under the bed, Tyler had to have put it there on purpose before Josh had come over since it was against Joseph family code to have a messy room. One sock out of place was messy. A scarf in any place but the correct spot in a drawer meant punishment for sure. It had to planted.

“Okay?” He pulled it up and pushed Josh off of him for a minute. Josh rested on the backs of his heels and looked at it, woolly and soft. It was checkered and thick as a blanket.

“Okay.” He agreed. Ty wrapped it around Josh’s eyes, tying a loose knot in the back, then once Josh started breathing again he tightened it. It was black and dark under the scarf. It smelled like Tyler’s hair. It pressed down on his face, it obscured his vision, it was beautiful and terrible.

“I thought I told you I didn’t like the dark.”

“But it’s not dark out here.”

“But it is dark in here.” Tyler stopped, everything, every movement, every noise. Josh held his breath and waited, he didn’t take the blind off. He just sat in the dark until he felt Ty’s hand touching his arm, the soft flesh of his bicep. He stood slowly with fingers prompting him.

“Okay?”  Josh let out a soft whoosh of air, the fingers felt better, even in the darkness. They anchored him to the moment, the soft carpet under his toes, the fabric against his face, the slight smell of sweat in the air mixed with Ty's deodorant.

“Yeah. Okay.”

 

***

 

Josh was going to sit down, wanted to put his hands out and feel the bed, take a seat, pull down his pants and underwear, roll over, be done with this whole mess - instead he felt those fingers disengaging from his. Then they were back, touching his thighs, pulling down his shorts.

“What - “

“No, no talking. No touching. Strip club rules.”

"I've never been to a strip club."

Ty laughed softly, his fingers grazing the tender skin between his legs before touching the fabric again.

Josh stopped, his hands fell to his sides as he let Tyler’s fingers drag the material down, let his fingers drag down his underwear too, snagging on his kneecaps and finding a place to rest just around his calves. Instead of sitting anywhere Ty kept touching his knees gently almost reverently. Josh felt his ears burning. He felt like he was receiving a blessing.

“Keep standing.” No talking. Stand up. Rules, rules, rules. Josh nodded.

When Ty’s lips wrapped around his cock he almost broke all the rules at once.

 

***

 

He wanted to take the scarf off, not because of the dark but because he wanted to look down and see Ty, sitting there between _his_ legs now. Wanted to watch, wanted to see it happen, watch his own hardness disappear between those soft lips he only got to kiss when it was convenient for Tyler. He wanted to talk, wanted to shower praises down the way he knew Ty was used to. Wanted to run his fingers through the dark hair, wanted to pull him close and push him back and buck his hips but he stayed still and silent and tried to remember how to force his lungs to function.

Tyler always knew so much more about everything than Josh did, wondered how many people he’d done this to. Only knew he’d gotten half of a blowjob once a while back when this whole thing started. Now was different though, now Tyler was working, his throat felt tight, his mouth too warm, too wet. The tip of his cock bumping against the roof of his mouth he couldn't suppress the groan inside his throat. He felt the slight graze of teeth occasionally. It was amazing, but felt sloppy. He felt slick spit on Ty’s lips - way too much of it. In his mind he could see the saliva dripping down between his lips, onto his chest, down past his legs.

Josh heard a muffled noise, a slight gagging, felt it around his length. Yeah, that was Tyler, having a hard time getting him down. It hit him suddenly in the gut _why_ he was having a hard time, making far more noises than he had before - because he didn’t do this kind of thing. This was probably only the second time he’d done this. Josh was his first real blowjob. If that thought was fiction or true it didn't matter anymore. That was enough, his fingers forgot the rules and reached out to Tyler’s hair, felt the short strands between his fingers.His eyes were shut tightly behind the scarf that smelled exactly like the back of Tyler's neck.

“Oh fuck, I’m - “

“Shhh” But it sounded less like a hush and more like a garbled noise, with a mouth full of spit and cock and - that was it. He was coming with or without warning. One more choked noise and then the room was quiet save the noise of Josh’s own raspy breaths, coming in faster and faster until he felt he would fall over.

  


***

 

His pants pulled back up, his underwear adjusted, was when Tyler took off the scarf.

“Thanks for letting me try something different.”

“Anytime.” Josh gasped, his chest still heaving.  He felt as if he had just run ten miles. Ty looked like nothing had happened. His hair was back in place, his cheeks a little red but otherwise, nothing. He tongue peaked out between his lips to collect a small wet smear. Josh felt his stomach churn.

“See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks. That was  good. Really good.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Yeah, alright. Bye.”

By the time Josh was out of the room, Ty was gone and Tyler was back.


	2. II.

 

Tyler and Josh mutually babysat each other once. It was because Kelly and Laura wanted to go to the movies together. The husbands were in agreement. The kids had no say. They figured two fifteen year olds could handle an unruly flock of kids together. It was the first time that the two had been forced into a situation together. It would be the night that everything changed, not like much existed between them prior to those few hours.

 

Laura dropped off Josh, Jordan and the girls at the Joseph house. Kelly showed them the emergency phone numbers and where they could order pizza from. Chris showed them both how to turn off the parental blocker on the TV set. Bill waited in the car and counted the minutes. Tyler already knew how to set up the PlayStation. Just like that it was parents night out and the kids were alone.

 

For the most part everyone had a playmate. Jordan, Jay, and Zack all got along just fine. Same went for the girls who quickly all went to Madison's room to regroup and paint each others nails, baby Abigail included.

 

Josh and Tyler on the other hand ended up stuck together. The two were not close. They had always been in the same grade but never had the same group of friends. They never joined the same clubs or went to the same parties. They didn't play the same sports or take the same classes. They knew of each other but that was about it.  There was no rule the two had to stay in the same room, but Josh had no idea what to do and Tyler felt obligated to entertain.

 

“What do you wanna do?”

 

“Ummmm.” Josh was never good with choices, especially when he wasn’t even sure what the options were to begin with. He sat on the couch and waited for Tyler to throw suggestions into the air.

 

“Hungry?”

 

“Not really. Mom made me eat before I came.”

 

“Mom?”

 

“Um, yeah my mom. Sorry.”

 

“That’s cute.”

 

Josh turned a terrible shade of red all the way to his hairline, his eyes lowered to the ground. They could hear the younger boys thumping upstairs, probably jumping on a bed or smashing priceless antiques against a wall. They’d been alone for at least a half hour and they were only just starting to talk. This conversation was already going off track by miles. Josh wasn't sure how the night would go with Tyler Joseph, but this wasn't exactly what he expected.

 

They decided to throw in Vice City. Tyler offered the remote to Josh, who again shrugged and declined.

 

"What's wrong?" Tyler asked, decided to play, Josh settling into the couch to watch Tyler kill hookers and old women alike. He drove through red lights. Josh just watched and didn't tell Tyler that he didn't have a PlayStation and even if he did have it his mother would never let him play something like this. Not that he didn't want to, his fingers itched. He just didn't want Tyler to see him fail.

 

  
"Nothing." Josh said, his eyes glued to the screen.

 

"I told you, you're cute." Tyler said, glancing over. Josh shut his mind off. Instead he put it somewhere else.

 

Josh assumed his parents were having dinner somewhere expensive with Tyler’s parents. Maybe they were seeing the movie already. Maybe they would be home soon. Maybe they would come pick him up and save him before he knew it.

 

“Is cute really the word you wanna use?” Josh asked, dragging his feet across the carpet. The game was off for now, tucked back away under the TV with it's black screen, Tyler headed off into the kitchen. He turned. He stared from the doorway, leaning against the wooden frame. 

 

“Yeah, pretty sure cute is a good word to describe you.” Something inside Josh belly flopped.

 

“Ha, um. Sure. I mean if that’s what you wanna say.”

 

Tyler’s eyebrows reached his own hairline. He crossed his arms, then turned and disappeared into the kitchen. Josh could hear cabinets opening and closing.

 

“Yeah you’re a little cute. I guess.” He came back carrying two glasses filled with something dark red. “Here, I assume you like red, otherwise we only have white and it’s kinda not the best.” Tyler looked around the room for a moment, then sat down on the couch next to Josh. “It’s from a box.” He whispered, almost ashamed. Josh took the glass out of an almost panic.

 

“Oh, yeah, thanks.” He brought the glass to his lips, taking a sip. The bitter taste hit him quickly, he swallowed before he could throw up. It was so sour it reminded him of Easter egg dye. He watched Tyler watching him, he took another tentative sip, swallowing hard. “This is good, thanks.”

 

“It’s not what _I_   would call good, but it’ll work.” Tyler chuckled as if something was funny but only in a private kind of way. He took a sip from his own glass. He switched the TV on and channel surfed but found nothing. They stopped on an infomercial for a cat toy. Josh was struck by how ridiculous the situation was. What if Abby or Ashley came downstairs. What if Jordan needed him. What if his parents walked through the door. His parents. His heart skipped.

 

“When are your parents getting home?” Josh took another sip when Tyler looked at him, his glass was half empty, his face felt too warm.  He took a sip whenever their eyes met as if it was some kind of challenge. Tyler took the glass from his fingers, disappeared into the kitchen, came out refilled. Josh sipped. Every mouthful tasted a little bit better even if his body felt disjointed.

 

“No idea, when are your parents getting home?” Tyler semi-mocked. He sat back down on the couch, but closer. Their legs touched.  Josh felt the heat climb through him. They were drinking wine. His parent’s wine when they were suppose to be watching the kids. Tyler Joseph called him cute. His world was out of control. He had a million questions, a million things he wanted to know. He opened his mouth.

 

“So you really think I’m cute?”  Out of everything happening that’s what his head was hung up on. Tyler smiled, a real honest to god smile. His teeth were crooked and his lips were chapped and Josh wondered how the hell this kid could be younger than him. It was only a few months, but he seemed years beyond him. There was knowledge inside that smile.

 

“Yeah, Joshie, you’re pretty cute. Wanna go upstairs?” And just like that Josh was hooked.

 

***

 

Tyler’s bedroom was bigger than Josh’s. Not by leaps and bounds, but enough to make a difference. Tyler didn’t have to share with any of his siblings. Inside the four walls was the first time Josh really was exposed to the full force of the Tyler Joseph show. Josh could barely hear the noise of the other kids bouncing off the walls and playing with makeup and dolls and trucks and who knows what else.

 

“Why do you think I’m cute?” Josh looked at medals and trophies. He nervously fingered little bronze men holding basketballs, baseballs, footballs. He ran his thumb over a three inch silver plated guy kicking a soccer ball. Tyler smiled that smile again, his eyes were bright. He sipped whatever was in his glass. He had no issues getting it down. He brought his hands to Josh’s, silently stopping his blind exploration of the years of achievements.

 

“‘Cause you are. Just stating the obvious I thought.” Josh looked down, yeah. Okay. This could work. This could really work, his mind was swimming. Everything would be okay. He thought of what to ask next but was interrupted by Tyler's voice. “Do you wanna kiss me?”  Josh couldn’t breath anymore, not even a little. He didn’t really have an answer even though he was sure this was what he was leading up to since the first moment he walked through the door. This was it even if he had no idea.

 

“I’ve um. Never.” Josh’s mouth couldn’t form the right sounds to make words. His tongue felt heavy on the bottom of his mouth like a fat worm that refused to move. Tyler touched his hands, his wrists, pulled him to the ground. Josh sat with his legs criss crossed. He looked up at Tyler, who loomed over him like a god.

 

“Ohhh, don’t worry. It’s just like kissing a girl.” Tyler said, sitting cross legged on the floor across from Josh, his hands setting his glass off to the side. Josh took another sip and tried to get his mouth to work. He was stuffed with cotton. He nodded his head once. Tyler’s grin expanded. “I knew you wanted to.” Josh tried again. He wasn't sure what his facial muscles were doing save for not cooperating with him.

 

“Not that. I. Hm. No. I’ve not. Um. Not with. Uh. Anyone.”

 

“Anyone?” Tyler’s eyes widened, his grin cracked. “Joshie, you’re too cute. No girls ever took you under the bleachers during a pep rally?” His fingers were back in full force, touching his hands, his wrists, him. Josh's fingers wrapped around the glass so hard he thought it would shatter. He hadn't even noticed the touch was missing until it returned and he leaned greedily into it. It was nice, so much nicer than anything else he'd felt.

 

Actually no girls even talked to him. Actually being honest _nobody_ talked to him really. His siblings occasionally, he had about four friends. Nobody was interested in him. Tyler’s fingers reached up almost tentatively. He let his fingers slip across Josh’s lips, still opening and closing with the effort of forming real words.

 

This time his eyes stayed wide in earnest, his hand cupping a cheek. _It’s okay, I’m drunk._ Josh thought wildly, his fingers still playing with his own glass. Faintly he could hear the sounds of Bob the Builder somewhere in the house. He’d be lying if he didn’t want to see where this would lead.

 

_Can we fix it?_

 

Tyler’s hands were soft, softer than anything that had ever touched Josh before. He was leaning into the touch. He didn’t know anything else, had no idea what to do so he kept his eyes half lidded, afraid to shut them only to open them and see nothing at all. He didn’t want to wake up in his bed, with Jordan snoring across from him, or in the middle of a daydream in American government. He didn’t even watch that many movies. He wasn't ready. 

 

_Yes We Can!_

 

“I’m gonna be your first.” Tyler’s voice was awed, amazed. His teeth caught his bottom lip, released it. He leaned in, met Josh halfway. For the next few years Josh would look back onto that moment and instead of hearing it as hushed reverence he'd understand the ownership, the realization of belonging, capturing, and his own stupid acceptance of the situation without knowing any better.  Hindsight is 20/20. 

 

To Josh it was one of those moments from a Disney movie, things clicked into place. His heart raced and stopped and stalled and pounded all at once. He had no great love story to think about. He only had Disney Princesses he’d seen with Ashley. He thought of the Little Mermaid, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty. His brain was fuzzy and foggy and he felt more alive than he ever had, even the time he had broken his leg at summer camp and thought he was gonna die from the pain. Lips against lips, touching softly, Tyler’s fingers still cupping his cheek. The world spun and stopped. He never wanted to stop. He didn’t even think about breathing.

 

It only lasted about four seconds.

 

Tyler pulled away, slowly. Josh still leaned, craving the touch that had been taken away.

 

“Wow, that’s not bad. I bet you’re gonna be a real heart-breaker.” Tyler winked, his tongue flicking out and running across his bottom lip. Josh didn’t know exactly what to say. He opened his eyes the rest of the way and leaned back. He took a sip of his drink. His lips felt lonely, his mouth felt empty.

 

“Can we - do that again?” Tyler laughed, it was musical.

 

“Yeah, sure we can. We’ve got all night.”

 

***

 

Laura had drank too much at dinner and fought with Bill the whole ride home over an actor in the movie they had seen. Abby cried because she missed Madison.

 

“Not fair” She yelled from her car seat between Josh and Jordan. “Can’t we trade?” She asked, willing to give up either brother for an extra sister. Both parents laughed. Josh wouldn’t mind sharing a room with Tyler. He couldn’t stop picturing his lips, how he tasted, how he’d been taught more ways to kiss than he’d ever known about. Thought about Tyler’s words as he cleaned up the glasses in the kitchen just seconds before his own parents walked through the door.

 

“Anytime you wanna practice just let me know.” He winked, putting the glasses back exactly where he’d found them.

 

Josh thought he might need some more practice soon.

 

 


	3. III.

 

Josh didn’t just jump into things, even at the pool he would rather inch in than do a cannonball. Dip one toe and test the waters, inch in his ankle, his leg. He was a thinker, logical and calculated. It was a massive character flaw more often than a pro. He would think and then overthink and rational himself out of living his life with a nagging voice inside the back of his head since as far back as he could remember. He just didn't want to regret things, didn't want to put himself in a situation he knew would turn around on itself and turn from a dream to a nightmare.

 

Which was what happened with Tyler. After the first night, after the first kiss with tentative shaky lips and sour wine breath he didn’t want to think of it as something that was real. That whole night his head  had still been swimming until he went to bed imagining those past few hours over and over again. He could still remember exactly what Tyler’s tongue felt like.

 

Could still remember Tyler in his ear. _This one’s the French, okay? Just a little better than the toast I think. Less good than the fries. Might depend on the person but I haven’t found one better than the fries._

 

Josh had to disagree. Fries had nothing on the overstuffed feeling of his mouth with Tyler’s pressed against his. The French could take back their bread and potatoes and whatever else they had to offer. This one thing he would keep.

 

Then he woke up, his head no longer a pleasant fuzzy sensation but instead throbbing. His stomach sick. He struggled through the day then right after dinner he laid back in bed, his head finally clearing enough for him to overthink. Once he started it didn't stop. The sun faded in the sky and his thoughts twisted up around themselves.

 

Whereas he’d been more than ready to run over to Tyler’s house again at the first chance he got, once he laid in bed with his pillow over his face and thought about it he wasn't as sure. Tyler was miles away, he was the star of the school. Josh was...Josh. He was nothing. Why would Tyler even care about Josh unless he had to. It had to be a joke. Had to be a prank. Had to be a test. He was sure that on Monday he’d walk into school to a crowd of chanting kids. He wasn’t sure what they would say, but he was sure he’d hate it. He was sure rumors would be all over the state by Tuesday. His mother would disown him by Wednesday and he’d be living on the streets by Friday.

 

***

 

Sunday. Church and early mornings and of course running into the entire Joseph clan. As Josh had the luck of someone struck by lightening twice, they had to sit directly in front of his family and every chance he got Tyler turned around to catch Josh’s eye. He winked, he blinked, he popped gum into his mouth and blew tiny pink bubbles when nobody else watched. Josh’s brain wanted to look away, but his eyes refused to cooperate and he couldn't seem to tear them away from the pink juicy fruit around those pink chapped lips. He could smell it. His mouth watered. He was sick of himself but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to pray but nothing came to mind.

 

Once the service was done Laura stopped Kelly, Maddy and Ashley chittered together, Bill tugged Jordan away. Tyler waited by the doors for Josh. He was patient when Josh tried to walk by him, silently.

 

“Hey.” _Don’t talk to him. Don’t talk to him. Don’t talk to him._

 

“Hey.” Josh said, he raised his hand, he waited. He was an idiot stuck inside a net he couldn't escape from.

 

“So I had fun Friday.” Tyler laughed, it wasn’t mocking but it was still a laugh. Wasn't even a full laugh, just one of those half breaths that doesn't sound exactly like anything.

 

“Me too.” He kept his reply cryptic in case anyone was listening. It could have meant the video games or the wine or the kissing. He didn’t pin any one thing as fun. It was all fun. None of it was fun. He wanted to do it all again. He never wanted to go back, each side of his brain waging war against the other.

 

“We should do that again sometime.”

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Cryptic. Keep it cryptic. Vague. Don't sound needy.

 

“Doing anything tomorrow? After school?”

 

Josh shook his head.

 

“Come over?” Tyler asked, Josh nodded his head as if there was any other option.

  


***

 

On Monday nobody knew anything had happened. Josh went over to the Joseph's house at least once a week.

 

***

 

“Come over tomorrow.”  

 

“When? Five?”

 

“No, eight.”

 

“At night?”

 

“In the morning.”

 

“Tomorrow is a Tuesday.”

 

Tyler rolled his eyes.

 

“I know.”

 

Josh sighed. He chewed on his pen-cap.

 

“I have school.” He said, then changing his mind corrected his statement. “We have school.” He emphasized.

 

“I have a better idea about what to do all day tomorrow.” Tyler had that look in his eyes. Josh didn't agree or disagree, instead he offered one word.

 

“How?”

 

“Dunno, tell your mom your sick, leave school, don’t go to school at all. I don’t care. Just show up. Eight, okay. Don’t be late. You are not gonna want to miss this.”

 

***

 

Josh never missed school. Never skipped days. Never left early. So everyone thought he was really sick when he started to cough at the breakfast table. He coughed and forced his whole body to shake with the force. He spit milk all over himself when he couldn't close his mouth, he nodded his head towards the table.  He had practiced fake sneezes through his study hall the day before. He kept his head down, his eyes half shut.

 

Everyone bought it.

 

As Laura tucked him back into his bed she hovered, kissing his forehead. No fever, but that could change at any minute. 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home with you today, honey? I could call off.” Her hands played with the edge of the five blankets she had piled on top of him when he had begun his shivers. Oscar winning performance if he could say so himself.

 

“I’m okay mom. If something happens I know your number at work.”

 

“Well I won’t be home until after five, and dad will be home around six if I’m running late okay? Don't worry about Jordan or the girls. They're going over grammy's house after school since you're not feeling well. I love you.” She hushed into his ear, planting a kiss on his temple. Almost a fever beginning there - or maybe just overheating from the pile of fleece on top of him. Maybe a touch of shame from lying when he'd never had to before. It was too late to go back. So he shut his eyes and pretended to be exhausted.

 

“Love you too, mom.”

 

And like that he was home free.

 

***

 

He was at Tyler’s door by seven forty five.

 

***

 

They had been seeing each other off and on for weeks. It wasn’t a relationship, it was just Josh occasionally coming over Tyler’s house and kissing him. Or Tyler coming over to Josh’s house and touching his cock under the dinner table in front of his whole family, discreetly and secretly of course. Or spare seconds in the bathroom between periods at school where just about anything could happen.

 

They didn’t say _I love you._ They didn’t hold hands. Nobody knew.  Nobody at school called Josh any names he hadn’t already been called. Even his few friends had no idea what was going on. As far as anyone knew they were just casual friends because their parents were friends. They also never took things far. Everything was light touches outside of the clothes. Everything was kisses and hickeys under the collar. It was all very PG-13. Josh wasn’t even sure what they were. The way Tyler could turn it all on and off like a lamp.

 

But that was what Tuesday was for.

 

***

 

Tyler was sitting on the couch when Josh let himself in through the back door, something he would do for years to come. Josh wanted to say hi, wanted Tyler to say hi, wanted this to all be a normal day. Maybe they would lay on the couch and watch Jerry Springer and practice all the best things from France. Instead Tyler started with something different.

 

“Do you want to take this to the next level?”

 

“Oh, hi Tyler. I’m fine, how are you doing? Good, that’s good.” Josh shouted from the kitchen, taking off his shoes and wandering into the living room. “What next level? Like relationship?”

 

“Pretty sure we already have that. I’m talking about sex.” Rarely was Tyler at a loss for words and he was usually blunt, but this was too much to the point. This was quick.

 

“Uh, what?”

 

“Sex? Like fucking?” Tyler said from his spot on the couch. “I was thinking maybe we could today. If you’re up to it. If you want. I mean we have all day and the house all to ourselves.” He never even looked away from the TV, his hand on the remote as he watched a lonely housewife guess the price of a can of green beans.

 

Josh stood in the doorway, his backpack still on, his mind screaming at him, every inch of him now feeling as if he were really truly going to be sick. He was sure he had a fever for real now. Tyler finally looked back, his eyes glittered like diamonds.The housewife on TV won the car. She was crying, screaming, jumping up and down.

 

“I’m a switch, but I think today you should be bottom.” He winked then turned back to the Price is Right.

 

***

 

Josh wasn’t sure what his first time would be like. It wasn’t something he got hung up on often because he assumed it would be something he’d face years down the line like car payments, taxes, or what color tiles to put in his bathroom. 

 

He didn’t assume it would be candles with Marvin Gaye playing and satin sheets on a tropical getaway with the love of his life.  Didn’t think she would be a pornstar who could do backbends that just so happened to be stuck inside the body of a virgin who amazingly still knew exactly what to do at all times. Didn’t think they would both know all the right words. There would be no moonlit passion on the beach with the surf crashing around them.

 

He had assumed it would be with a prom date, or the sister of a close friend, or some girl who was drunk in his college dorm and felt bad for him in a car - probably the girls. It would be in a parking lot of a supercenter at some weird hour at night with the best hits of the late 90s playing softly from crackly speakers. Commercials interrupting the soft creaking of the seats. Josh would feel the plastic of the seat belt sticking into his back like a threat.His zipper would get stuck halfway down, her hangnails would catch in his hair and pull a little to painfully. They would both sweat a little too much.

 

He dreamed it would be in a bed with clean sheets and a girl he loved who laughed when he kissed her and smiled the whole time. He dreamed they would know what they were doing, both of them and that nothing would be awkward. He wished on a shooting star once that it just wouldn’t be awful. Nobody would cry. It would just be nice. Not mindblowing. Not awful. Just enough.

 

He noticed that Tyler was sitting on his bed with all his blankets torn off and pushed to a corner of his room with what looked like a half gallon of clear something in a jar on his bedside table. He heard Tyler ask if he had to go to the bathroom before hand, or if he had at home lately. _Not pee I mean._  This wasn’t exactly what he had planned.

 

***

 

“Yes, for sure?” Tyler asked. Josh was down to his underwear, just little red boxers with husky dogs on them. They had bleach stains on them. One of the buttons was missing. Not the thing he would have worn if he had known what was going to happen. He was embarrassed to be wearing them, but the idea of taking them off turned his heart to a stone. Tyler was only wearing his grin. He didn't even have his socks on.

 

“Yeah. For sure.” He wasn’t at all sure. Didn’t even know if _yeah_ was the word he had wanted to use. Maybe he was looking for _no thank you, let me go to school._ Tyler wasn't exactly holding him hostage though. Instead he decided yeah was fine for now.

 

“How do you wanna do this, J?” Tyler asked, Josh couldn’t stop looking at his cock so all his words there too far away to understand. It wasn’t crazy huge, not like some 12 inch monster but it was far too big to actually go anywhere inside of him. The tip alone was just too much. He couldn’t begin to imagine what he would be feeling. He’d never actually been this close to anyone naked. Josh scrunched his body up as much as he could, his hands wrapped around his legs.

 

“J? Joshie, babe. Earth to Joshua.” Tyler waved his hand in front of Josh’s eyes. “Tune back in, us Earthlings wanna make contact.”

 

“Yeah, um sorry.” Josh shook his head and tried to look away, but there wasn’t much to look at that didn’t seem to steer him back to Tyler’s dick. He tried to look relaxed. He knew it wasn’t working. He was still scrunched up on himself. 

 

“How do you wanna do this? Like you wanna be on top of me, or like I can get behind you. We can do missionary I guess, if that’s what you really want. Or we can lay down.” Josh didn’t even hear the options, lost it back when his eyes caught sight of a drop of precum sitting, right there, on the very tip top of Tyler’s cock like it was waiting. He still couldn’t figure out how his body would make room for the intrusion.Tyler's voice was a background track to his wandering mind.

 

“Uh, how, um. I’ve never.”

 

“I know, J.” Tyler laughed. His fingers wrapped around his cock and pumped once, catching Josh’s eyes. “What would make you comfortable?”

 

“However.”

 

“Not really an answer.”

 

“How’d you do it? The first time you, were. Um.”

 

“On bottom? Oh, ugh, I think I was on top, which is cool cause you can control it but if you control it you never want to go past the first few seconds cause you don’t know what you’re doing.” Tyler stopped, thought about something inside his twisted up head, then as if disagreeing with himself he shook his head. “I don’t think that's the way for us to go.”

 

Josh sat, tried not to inch away, tried to just wait it out. He willed his muscles to relax, he was starting to get stomach cramps.

 

“What do you suggest?”

 

“I think we should go classic, Mr. Never been kissed.” Tyler grinned, laughed, hummed softly as he crawled towards Josh, his fingers found Josh’s bare shoulders and pushed back lightly. Josh didn’t budge. He frowned. “If you don’t wanna do this we don’t have to.”

 

“No. I, I want to do this.”

 

“Well maybe you should lay back and relax.” Tyler suggested, his fingers finding Josh's shoulders and again applying soft pressure. Josh accepted the touch and leaned backwards, easing down into the bed.

 

Tyler planted soft kisses against his jaw.

 

“Don't worry about anything okay? Just concentrate on enjoying it.”

 

Josh couldn't concentrate on much. His mind was rushing too quickly over a waterfall. He had so many more questions, _how many people have you done this with? How was your first time? Why now? Why me?_

 

It could go on and on. Instead his mind shut off the second Tyler's cool fingers reached his waist, touching the elastic of Josh's boxers.

 

“These are adorable by the way. I need to take them off though.” He hummed into Josh's ear. He lifted his hips, his arms crossed over his stomach feeling the fire engulf him. This was it. Tyler has never seen him naked. He felt like throwing up. He wished for one second he could have confidence. He couldn't even pretend he was sure of himself. 

 

He shut his eyes and wiggled his legs, felt the last inches of the old cotton fall away from his ankles onto the sheets. He held his breath. He waited. Tyler didn't say anything. Josh didn't say anything. Neither moved until Josh opened his eye, cracking one lid slightly and found Tyler sitting on the back of his ankles staring at Josh. His mouth open slightly.

 

“What's wrong?” Josh tried to hide the shaking of his voice. Tried to pretend like he was sure of himself. Instead he struggled to even get the words out.

 

“You are absolutely beautiful.” Tyler whispered, awed for a minute. “Whatever happened to that whole thing that Asian guys have tiny dicks?”

 

Josh turned so red he thought he'd die. His fingers reached down to his own cock, attempting to cover up the hardness that wouldn't stop. Ty pushed his fingers away.

 

“Kidding, kidding. But really. No, just. Wow. You are absolutely beautiful.” He hushed, his fingers pinning Josh’s to his stomach, locking his digits between the pale, quivering ones. He planted his soft lips against Josh’s stomach, leaving a wet snail trail across his skin.

 

“Are you ready?” Ty asked, his lips vibrating against hot skin.

 

“Are you, uh. Gonna wear a. Um.” Josh couldn’t function. He was almost positive he was having an allergic reaction. He would burst out with hives in a few minutes if they waited and watched. He was sure his throat would swell up like a balloon and his face would turn blue and they would just bury him inside an unmarked grave. It was okay. He didn’t mind.

 

“Joshua.” Tyler tsked, leaning back for a second, his lips just barely grazing the untouched bare skin of Josh’s cock. “You can’t really get pregnant. I’m clean  and you haven’t so much as looked at anyone but me in the past few months. If you want I can get one.”He looked slightly offended from the question. Josh backtracked instead.

 

He shook his head, goaded out of it or not it did seem stupid. He had no idea what role he was even expected to play, only that he was sure there were lines he was suppose to speak to keep this going. He played his part filled to the brim with anxiety.

 

“Okay. Ready.” He nodded finally.

 

He wasn’t sure what he should expect. He hasn’t had many dreams but in the few wet ones he’s had it involved him on the giving end, not so much receiving. To be fair Ty wordlessly understood and starts slowly. Here comes the gallon of what Josh now knows is water soluble lube, dipping his fingers into the opened top. It is far less than a gallon, it just looks massive.

 

It’s gentle, almost like something he could shut out of his mind, one finger slowly entering him. If he thinks about it too much he’ll run away so he shuts his eyes and tries to concentrate on the feeling just being something apart from him. Ty reaches down with his second hand, just as sticky and cool. He wraps his fingers around the base of Josh’s cock and strokes lazily without rhythm. He doesn’t want Tyler to talk, wants to forget this is happening at all. It’s nice, but it’s not what he imagined. Not what he planned. He’s just getting used to one finger, almost able to pretend it isn’t there when a second slips in.

 

Tyler knows what he’s doing even as Josh can’t breath. He hooks his fingers up and there are stars instead of blackness behind his eyes. He opens them for a second and yes, the stars are all there too. He can’t imagine what his face looks like, what he looks like  - all he can do is suck air through his open mouth and watch the constellations. He isn’t sure what his name is or where he lives or anything at all. All he knows is he wants all those fingers to keep working. Ty strokes him gently. Josh both loves and hates that breathless feeling Tyler always manages to force him to have.

 

“Just keep breathing, okay, just in and out. It’s good right?” Tyler asks mostly for Josh to come down to Earth. He knows it’s good, he knows in every small movement he makes that it’s sending shockwaves. All Josh can do is nod, once.  Ty laughs. “Good, good, I think you’re ready.” It only feels like seconds, when he moves his head he can see the digital clock on the nightstand blinking. It’s been almost a half hour.  The numbers in dark red don't add up. He can’t understand where the time has gone between hooked fingers and soft strokes to his cock. It all feels good, but it’s all still buildup.

 

“Can I?” Tyler asks, his fingers still working slowly inside Josh’s ass. He nods, his hands clutch at nothing. If it feels anything like this he’s already hooked. Tyler pulls his fingers out slowly, still working one hand between Josh’s legs. The other hands strokes his cock. He’s watching Josh’s face for a reaction but there isn’t one anymore. It’s just empty, waiting. His face is flushed and his mouth is open and his breathing is noisy.

 

When Ty finally pushes in it’s been an hour since they started. Just the tip of his cock caused a burn, something the fingers hadn’t really done. Josh hissed, tried to relax. Inching in just a little at time he waited, his eyes shut again he hiccuped. He forgets to breath and Tyler has to remind him a few more times, every few seconds, every half centimeter. It’s slow, so slow, but Josh waits and Tyler waits and the time passes in the blink of an eye.

 

It’s not something he’s used to entirely, but once Tyler is finally all the way in and actually able to move Josh can no longer really complain about the burn. All he does is relax, enjoy the soft pressure he’s getting used to. Tyler is so sweet he's sure he's going into sugar shock. His lips plant kisses all over Josh, his bare chest, his neck, his jawline. His fingers move up and down against the skin of Josh’s cock, never really forgetting what's important. 

 

Tyler only has to rock back and forth twice to hit the perfect spot and it’s far better than just fingers.

 

For all the buildup of sixty plus minutes Josh manages to come in less than two.

 

All Tyler can do is laugh. He, again presses kisses to Josh's face, peppering his forehead, his eyelids, his lips and the tip of his nose.

 

"It's okay, we've got all day."


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning : consensual violence.

 

“I want to try something.” Ty's voice is so high and soft Josh knows he won't like what's coming next. It's the kind of tone he adopts when he knows Josh will want to say no. It's the kind of tone that reminds Josh of those first few months together where he was patient. He knows it will make Josh turn into a half melted ice cube, easy to crunch under his teeth.

 

Josh only stands silently watching, waiting for the next few words. Tyler _always_ wants to try something. Josh never really says no. If he's honest he almost has forgotten that word. It never worked anyway, not like he wanted it to. He wonders what they are going to try, something weird and kinky and terrible he presumes. Probably something with a lot of spit. He represses the shutter he feels attempting to tear through his body when he thinks of the last time they 'tried something.' He never wants to hear the word snowball again, no matter what context. Josh is so deep inside his head that he forgets the start of the conversation and drifts away, only to return shocked and utterly unprepared for what Tyler says next.

 

“I want you to hit me.” His eyes twinkle from across the room. To be fair Ty is staring at him head on, refusing to be ashamed or back down from his statement. Josh, though, he can't stay silent after that one. Instead he feels his body turn to fight or flight. His eyes widen, his palm begin to itch wildly under his clenched fingers - since when did he form a fist, he wonders. He knows the look on his face must be a bizarre one. It's a mask of confusion or terror or anger. Tyler just keeps looking at him, waiting now on his response. He's acting as if this was a normal request to make. 

 

“Hit you?” Josh asks, first because he wants to know if he had heard right. Secondly because he half believes he's lost his mind. Tyler just nods. He crosses his arms and tries to seem relaxed but appears guarded instead. It's not a surprise, it's his go to look. “Why?” He never really thinks he's going to get a real answer to that. Tyler answers to no one. The room seems overheated with the words they're speaking. Each vowel raises the room temperature by one degree. Josh is only wearing his gym shorts. Tyler is only wearing an old shirt with some basketball team on the front. It goes down to his knees anyway. He doesn't seem nearly as heat exhausted as Josh feels in that moment.

 

Tyler nods his head, pulls the edge of his shirt down further. Josh knows he's trying to hide his boner but chooses to ignore it for now. He's got his own issues. He doesn't feel the urge to play therapist to his completely unstable fuckboy friend as to why exactly the conversation they're having is turning him on instead of causing him to run. The idea of being hit anywhere by anyone makes Josh automatically flinch away, Tyler seems like a frayed wire, squirming and anxiously excited. Josh sees red flags but   they no longer mean anything.

 

“Why not?” His answer comes as confidently as it can. “Wanna try it. Wanna try it with you Joshie, please.” His eyes are dark rimmed. He looks tired but his lips pout in all the right ways. He’s using all the right words. He knows how to reel Josh in like a fat fish in a lake. Josh - to be truthful is an easy catch. He swims inside his lake and sticks his mouth onto the same hook every time for the same tricks. Tyler pouts and acts like he has no idea what is wrong with asking your friend to hit you so you can get off. Josh has a headache behind his eyes that throbs to a tribal beat. If only he could say no, just one.

 

“How am I supposed to hit you?” Josh asks, bewildered for a moment. His gym shorts are tenting now, he can’t look away from those exhausted looking eyes. His dick is responding less to the wording and more to the body before him. The way Tyler moves makes it clear that he's not just intrested in a gentle tap. He's wriggling around in that totally desperate way that means he'll be on his back and Josh feels his cock twitching just thinking about it. His question was posed in more of a moral way as in _how can I hit somebody I love?_ Tyler takes it literally though. Josh finds he's still almost thankful for the advice either way. 

 

“More like a slap to start with I guess. Like in porn, ya’ know?” No, actually Josh has no idea. Has barely watched porn let alone any where people are getting hit _or_ slapped for that matter. He's not even sure what he should type into a search bar to find that. 'Domestic violence porn.' doesn't seem like a popular niche but leave it to Tyler to find it. He doesn't answer the question Tyler poses but instead struggles to form his own.

 

“Where do you want me to - where am I supposed to...” He trails off, looking at Tyler’s face - silently praying _please not the face_ _._ He can’t finish his question, only hope _not the face. Not the face._ He can’t look at Tyler and hit him across the face.  His hand jerks at his side. Ty's pulling at the hem of his shirt and stretching it out like he doesn't care. He's swaying from side to side and that look in his eyes makes Josh wonder if he's entirely sober right now.

 

Tyler answers by lifting his left hand and tapping his knuckles softly against his jaw. Josh’s stomach drops out of his body, his legs feel weak. Tyler looks up at the ceiling fan innocently. Of course it would be his face. He hums something and chews his lips. Josh doesn't say anything, can't find any more words to put together. It wouldn't matter anyway, Tyler would still insist they try this no matter what award winning novel Josh could piece together to fight against hitting him. Finally Ty opens his mouth, licking his lips.

 

“I think that’s a good place to start, then we can see how it goes.” Then he winks and Josh can only think about how much he hates him.

 

***

  


In any relationship when a fork in the road is met where opinions can differ it is important to communicate. Josh wants to sit on the bed to do it, Tyler wants to stand. Compromise is the key to a healthy relationship. So they end up standing.

 

***

 

“How hard do I - “ Josh once again can’t get the words out. They're tangled in a disgusting fly strip that is stuck inside his esophagus. They get hung up on the tacky yellow and hang there. They can't seem to complete the trip and slip past his tongue. Josh thinks about the first time they had sex, remembers how afraid he was. Now he wishes he could go back to the basics. Wishes that Tyler just liked to get fucked or fuck him in a totally normal vanilla way that didn’t involve scarfs or rope or fists. Two people on a bed without all the bells and whistles that he always craved. Tyler is standing in front of him, his eyes open one second then closed the next. He can't seem to decided exactly what he wants.

 

“Surprise me.” His voice is monotone, like this isn’t even anything to him. It doesn’t seem to be much right now. His movements have stilled for the most part and instead he's just standing there, watching Josh who raises one hand, then lowers it and raises it once more.  Tyler only pauses in looking tired to look bored of this whole situation. His arousal is dimming with Josh's fear increasing. He wonders if  you can kill somebody by slapping them too hard. He doesn't think Tyler cares about those kinds of facts. 

 

“Okay.” Josh agrees, his fingers twitch in one great spasm. They yearn to cooperate for the praise he knows he'll get if it works out. His brain, however wants nothing to do with it and it takes more force than he thought capable to actually send the correct impulses to his extremities. He lifts his right hand, Tyler shuts his dark eyes. His own hands still hang onto the hem of his shirt, no longer twisting it. He's just holding onto it. His lashes flutter against each other, apprehension. Here it goes, Josh thinks. In one fluid motion he brings his hand to Tyler’s face and the noise is deafening in the quiet room. He can imagine he'd hear the echo of it downstairs bouncing off the high ceilings. Skin meeting skin, it’s the only thing Josh can hear. His face turns red to match the hand print on Tyler’s. His head had rocked back for a second, then he righted it. His eyes flash open, they still look tired - so incredibly tired, but there’s a sparkle in the depths of them that burns the brown. His jaw looks puffy already but that could just be Josh’s paranoid eyes searching for damage. Tyler opens his mouth next while Josh stands, hand still raised and guilt on his face. Tyler's nervousness is back, he writhes and tugs on the hem again, his cock straining against it like a magic trick - gone and reappeared in the blink of an eye.

“C-can we get in bed?”

 

***

 

“Oh. Jesus. Fuck.” These are not the normal Tyler words, not even close to the right words he’d normally say. He's going so far off script it's totally rouge. Normally he’d be silent the entire time, or barely speak. Sometimes if he was in the right mood he would whisper the right praises. Sometimes he would give sharp quick remarks, _faster, sit up, slower _._   _ These are not even normal Ty words, who sometimes _almost_ seems nice. Instead he begs. “Please, again." He presses himself down against the cock inside him, grinding his ass against the hip bones that meet him in every thrust. 

 

Josh can’t help it, the body under him is writhing every time he moves, he hits him again with another open handed slap to the cheek.  There will be a bruise there but neither of them care anymore.  He’s never had anyone beg him for anything before. Tyler was never a begging type. He's demanded but never needed. Now he's lacking the power and there's something utterly intoxicating about it even with the guilt still chipping away a home inside the back of Josh's brain. Tyler’s got his eyes screwed shut but Josh can’t stop looking anyway, his lips opening and shutting and gasping and begging. It's a show he never gets to see, a desperate side that doesn't seem like it should even be a part of the person who normally just quietly fucks him from behind.

 

“Harder, please - harder.” His words slur together to form something barely intelligible. Josh leans forward to kiss him, letting his lips meet the soft pink lips he watches every single day in Geometry. Ty lets him. Opens his own lips lewdly, licks at the mouth presenting itself before him. It's wet and sloppy. There's too much spit between the two of them and when he pulls away sticky strands come with him. Normally he'd think it was disgusting, but today there must be a full moon because he just thrusts harder, grinding himself against Ty with all the force he can. He muffles the screams with his mouth.

 

For a second he wildly thinks that they are suppose to be doing a project for art class. That’s what Josh told his mom. Watching Ty begging with his face such a harsh shade of red is the real art project.  The lid of his left eye is already blooming with purples and blues. It is definitely swelling and when Josh gently touches the sore skin there with his finger tips it's hard not to notice the way Ty's cock jerks between their bodies. He's so close, but Josh isn't far behind, struggling not to cum just yet. Even now with the power all twisted and turned in on itself he reacts instinctively.

 

“God, Tyler can I please? I gotta come.” Josh breaths into his mouth. Some kind of verbal CPR as his whole body detached from himself, he's gasping his pleas into Ty's mouth. Ty just moans back into it, letting his air become Josh’s.  Josh lets his teeth catch Ty's lips, bites hard enough to cause his whole body to jerk, his shoulders hitting the back of the bed so harshly Josh _almost_ feels bad. Instead he slips his hand down between their slick skin to work on Ty’s hardness. His wrist cramping from the position and effort he pulls his hand back for a second, letting Ty take over. His hand is frantic and dry and the sounds it makes against his cock makes Josh grit his teeth. He images it has to hurt, but Ty doesn’t show any signs of pain. Instead he bites his lip in the same place Josh had just released, barely breathing as he grinds himself down further. He shudders, letting his whole body spasm for a second before he lets out a gasp. Josh has never seen him so disheveled, sweat coating his face, his hair standing up all over with dark little strands like sentinels. He would take a picture if he could.

 

“I’m so close Joshie, please. More, one more, please.”  His words are so high and raw. They come out of his mouth sounding used already but they work and Josh fingers just hearing them drives him inches closer to jumping over the edge himself so he decides to hit him one more time. Leaning on his left hand, he brings his right down across his face, watches his eyes shoot open in surprise, feeling a jolt through his aching wrist. Instead of taking his hand away he pushes it through patches of dark hair, pulling on the strands. He feels Tyler completely still under him, even his hand stops for a second. He's just holding his cock, staring at Josh - past him and past the ceiling and probably past the sky. Josh tugs far too roughly on his hair, hears the gasp, feels Ty's ass contacting around his cock, squeezing so tightly he sees stars.

 

“Come for me, baby.” Josh spends every inch of air he’s got left on those words but it works, Ty’s under him gasping, his reddened eyes wide open, begging for nothing at all as he finally does let go, letting the cum splash against Josh’s stomach and drip back onto his own. It’s enough to make him come, pulling out only in time to add to the sticky mess between their stomachs.

 

***

 

 

“That was good.” Ty says, handing Josh a paper towel as he tugs on his shirt again. The room is dark, the sun already setting outside the window. Josh looks around for his underwear then remembers he didn’t wear any. Tyler had texted him before lunch telling him not to. His head feels foggy and far away from the rest of his body. Instead he looks for his pants before he turns to face Tyler. He’s shocked by what he sees.

 

“Ty, are you, are you crying?" He hopes he doesn't sounds as panicked as he thinks he sounds.

 

“No. Just, tired.” Tyler turns his back, looking for his own pants. It seems like he gives up. He stands by the window and just looks at the orange light, dimming the room. A car door slams outside. A car alarm beeps twice. The whole family is home now. Chris and Kelly and the whole Joseph clan will come stomping through the door any second now. “You should go home now, J.” He says but he won’t turn back around. Josh wants to touch him so badly it hurts, but he doesn't. He knows enough not to even after everything they'd done.

 

“Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.”Josh thinks back and as much as he wants to, understands he doesn't have enough time to be the therapist his fuckboy friend needs.

 

“No I’m fine. But you should go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“I promise not to do it again, Ty. You gotta let me know if I’m hurting you.” Clothing long since forgotten Josh attempts to approach Tyler, hearing the front door opening. Maddy is screaming about missing an episode of some TV show. Jay is trying to scream louder. Kelly’s asking if Tyler is upstairs even louder than those two. This close Josh can see Tyler's shirt is on inside-out, the tag sticking out at his neck and the material all wrong.  He doesn't touch Tyler because he knows better. He knows his limits and this would not be a good time. He wants to though, so badly something inside him hurts. The guilt is back full force.

 

“Go. Josh. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The words are so sharp and forced Josh can only back up, picking up his shorts and finding his hoodie and backpack. He slips them all on in record time. He’s not sure what Tyler’s gonna tell his mom about his face, only knows he does need to leave before they’re questioned both in different rooms. Josh is still a bad liar. Doesn't want a lawsuit from Kelly about physical assault.

 

“Okay Ty. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Even when Josh manages to make it down the stairs and leave through the back door only detected by Chris Tyler doesn’t turn around. In fact he doesn’t turn around for a very long time.


	5. V

 

Tyler misses school for three days straight and Josh thinks it's weird. He tries to text him but he gets no answer. He looks for Zack in the hallways but can't find him either. Words are spreading like wildfire that he's been suspended for fighting. People say he's in the hospital. Some people say he's going to be forced to leave the school. He hears one girl swear up and down that he's going to be home schooled. "Again." She says and her words are soft in the middle of a study hall as she leans into her friend's ear. '

 

Nobody asks Josh what happened. Nobody even knows he's alive. He's learned from too many nights pinned under Tyler's hands he'd rather it that way. 

 

***

 

As always Josh is that last to know anything. Tyler is back, he hears in home room. It's like he's some kind of god. He decides he's going to ignore him for a while. 

 

***

 

Tyler usually texts him, so it’s a little strange when Josh opens his locker and finds a folded up piece of notebook paper tucked under his American government textbook. He hasn’t gotten a text in a while and had just assumed that Tyler would get to him when he got to him.  Whenever that would be in Tyler time. Instead he gets this note. The edges are missing, the perforated edges are perfectly straight. The folds are pristine.  


 

It’s written in Tyler’s blocky writing, meaning it was thought out instead of rushed. He wonders when he wrote this. He fingers the paper as if it were a part of the body he'd been ignoring.  


 

_Second floor bathroom. First lunch. _

 

Josh wants to just eat his lunch in peace, off to the side with Ashley and Jesse, pretending his only friends aren't kids who are barely in middle school. He wonders if he's going to keep to his promise and ignore Tyler. He knows he can't, knows as surely as he needs the breath that he comes and waits at his beck and call. He hates it. Maybe he could do this one little act of defiance. He folds up the note wanting to press it into his pocket, then changes his mind and shreds it instead. He throws the pieces away in five different trash bins.  


 

***  


 

Josh walks through the doors to the second floor bathroom and is shoved against the tiles behind the door. Tyler pinned him, his face still shining with purples and dark blues. If anything the colors are so vibrant Josh thinks it's paint for a second, he raises his hand to touch the skin in front of him but stops a half heartbeat away instead. He is already upset he gave in so easily.  


 

“What the hell is - “ Josh couldn’t get the words out before Tyler was on him, his hands shoving against his chest, his mouth against Josh’s confused lips. Hands tugged at belts and zippers without much success. Josh’s mind couldn’t put this together. He gently pushed against Tyler’s chest, when there was no give he shoved a little harder. Tyler took a half step backwards, his hands still on Josh. 

 

“What the hell are you doing?” 

 

“You I hope.” Tyler smiled, the harsh florescent lights turning the left side of his face into a kaleidoscope of colors.  Josh shook his head once, squinting his eyes. Just looking at what he’d done, prompted or not he felt terrible for it all. Terrible enough that he’d been avoiding Tyler for the past few days. He told himself it was ignorance over the missed texts but it wasn't. It was more than that, it was a survivors guilt he felt when he came late at night just recalling the night he'd ruined Ty's face. He thought if he looked long enough he’d see his own hand print burned into the skin. He'd been equal parts confused and turned on for days. This wasn't helping. He fought it all down, stomped his emotions and confused brain into the dirt.  


 

“Ty, seriously. We only have thirty minutes.” 

 

“Oh? Only thirty?” Tyler scoffed, rolling his eyes as he palmed the front of his jeans. He was already hard, Josh pulled his eyes back up and found it was more difficulty to meet his eyes. They were too bright, almost like they didn't even belong to the same person he'd known for years now. “I can make you come in about five.” Ty winked, his fingers reaching back out to unzip Josh’s pants, who allowed them to pool around his ankles without struggling. “Wanna bet. Cause if I win-”

 

“Where did this come from?” Tyler pressed his body against the one stuck to the wall, Josh finally felt the hardness straining against his leg. He felt heat in the bottom of his stomach. He hated himself. He hated that he was letting this happen. Hated that he didn’t mind that it was happening at all. He was so pliant and had no spine around Tyler, just allowed himself to be pushed against the disgusting bathroom wall. He instinctively reached out, wanting to make contact but his hand was batted away. 

 

“Every time somebody asks me about it I think about it and then I think about you J. Please I’ve been ready to come since pre-calc.” So second period. Second period he’d been thinking about this. Something on Tyler’s end popped, some joint somewhere in his body as he rubbed himself against the prone body. Josh wondered what would happen if somebody walked in, then considered the fact that it was Tyler here. Blackmail probably. It wouldn't be pretty for any of the parties involved. He still couldn't pull himself away from the situation. “Wanna make that bet?” Tyler whispered, his voice so low Josh could barely hear him.  

 

Josh was speechless. Just stood there as Tyler tugged down his underwear and felt his ass hit the cool tile behind him. He shuddered once. Tyler licked his palm in one long flat stroke then slipped his hand into his own pants, not even unzipped, his smile grew.  His eyes shut, he titled his head back, Josh tried not to look, instead focusing on the dark blue bathroom stalls. He didn't want any more material to fuel his wet nightmares.  


 

“What bet?”

 

“I can make you come in five minutes or less. If I win and I do then you haveta do what I say next time you come over. No matter what it is okay. If you win...what do you want?” His words were running together in messy conjunctions of each other. Tyler was already panting, chewing his lip while his unoccupied fingers tried to turn the stationary body around to face the wall. Josh complied stiffly thinking that no matter what the next five minutes brought he would end up doing whatever Tyler wanted all the time anyways.  

 

“I want to not have to hit you in the face again.”

 

“Okay, we’ll talk about it. Maybe not ever again. Just for a while.” Josh pressed his face against the wall and shut his eyes, one wet finger, then a second slipped in too easily. As much as he hated himself he was already hard. Tyler reached around finally with what Josh had assumed was his occupied hand, seeming to understand his mind and pick up on his thoughts. He felt the grin in the next words. “Time starts now.” 

 

Josh groaned.  


 

He lasted four minutes. 

 

***

 

It had been days since he’d last really talked to Ty, days since he’d even made eye contact or seen him. It was like he was just missing school to avoid Josh, until yesterday when he showed up late to their shared Wednesday study hall and sat down in the back of the room. He flicked a paper football towards Josh who had been trying to study for his Bio mid-term but kept getting distracted by Tyler just existing. Every time he tapped his foot or chewed on the skin from his lip it was like it was amplified, his absence off and on for the past few days just making it that much more noticeable when he was around. He was like a tick, never truly effecting you until he got under your skin.  


 

When Josh unfolded the paper as casually as he could he only saw the same blocky letters he was used to creased with the same precise folds only Tyler could master.  


  
  


_Still grounded. Be online at 1. Check your email. _

  
  


***  


  
  


Who used email anymore? Josh thought around eight wondering if he should even bother. Tyler wouldn't really know one way or another if Josh got the email and never replied. But even when Tyler wasn’t even there Josh couldn’t really refuse a request. There was something about him and his presence that demanded cooperation. Being the rabbit that lived to be passive he was at his laptop, which was actually just his dad’s old work one, at one am, checking his gmail. Sure enough there was something from Tyler waiting in his inbox between coupons for Red Robin and requests for money to be sent to some guy in Africa to fund a new school for children chased by lions. 

 

His old computer took about a half hour to load up, took another half hour to load videos. Which was what Tyler had sent him, timestamped at 0057. The email itself was plain, a subject with a bunch of dots and dashes that Josh couldn’t care less about.  Tyler always sent weird cryptic codes. Tyler _was_ weird. Tyler _was_ cryptic. One day they would fuck then they wouldn’t see each other for a month. This video was just as cryptic as everything else about the relationship. Nobody knew the half of how very strange he was. Nobody understood his moods and thoughts and his offhanded comments about colors. Nobody else managed to hear the snippets of songs he sang to himself while eliminating an entire team on Halo 4. Only Josh was allowed access to the brain behind the forehead, and even then he only could catch a glimpse of not even half of the insanity. While Josh mulled over what did or didn't live inside his skull the video had begun it's long marathon to load.  


 

There it was, a nine minute and some odd second AVI file with just a black screen. Nine minutes shouldn’t take too long to load. He paused it on the black screen, letting the buffering icon spin and spin. Jordan lay asleep in the bed across the room, snoring softly. Josh lay back on his bed, watching the cursor go around and around. He tried to imagine what Tyler would want to email him a video of at one am. Maybe it would be best to take his headphones and laptop and drag this mess into a room without a sibling. 

 

Yeah, he thought. This was a video from Tyler which meant it was probably not exactly the safest things to watch with Jordan in the room. He unplugged all the cables and trekked to the bathroom, figuring at least there was a lock and at worst he could say he was feeling sick. If somebody came knocking on the door he could stow the computer inside a cabinet and make a fake throw up noise. Food poisoning or the flu. His family liked to probe, but only could so far once sickness was concerned.Tyler had made him an expert on playing ill.  


 

By the time he sat down with his back against the tub and his headphones plugged in the video had miraculously loaded. Black screen with the play triangle in the center. He clicked it.

 

It started with the blackness, all dark and covering the screen like a shroud. Seconds ticked by and Josh began to wonder if there was anything at all to the video when the darkness dissipated. 

 

There was Tyler, sitting in the living room of his house, by the big old family desktop. There was the red wall paper with it’s  _ live laugh love  _ signs and mantel filled with family pictures. He was sitting with his legs up in the old leather chair that sat in front of the desk, the pale glow from the screen illuminated him, making his skin a sick, glowing white. 

 

He wasn’t wearing anything, his cock out and hard already, glistening in the light. There was no sound at all, no breathing or buzzing. No anything and Josh was starting to think it was on mute when  - 

 

“Hi, Joshie.” He whispered into the webcam, waving like a teenage girl on myspace, his face masked in the strange light. The words vibrated through his ears sending shock waves from his neck down his spine. His voice was low, the lights behind him were all off. Shadows of furniture from the screen’s glow. The only thing that was clear as day was Tyler, which was exactly what he planned. Josh waited and watched.  


 

“I can’t stop thinking about you, J. I wish you were here. I bet you wanna be here too.” He started, his palm out he licked it once, twice, three times. He stuck his tongue out at the camera, pixilated in the shadows, a glob of saliva landing on his palm, it was absolutely disgusting. Josh felt his mouth water, swallowed his spit as quickly as it formed. “Wish your mouth were here, baby.” He hummed in the back of his throat.  


 

His palm down he stroked himself, slowly, confidently, his legs down on the ground now. His fist was half curled around his dick, he chewed his lip and his eyes stayed on the camera. Josh felt shivers, it was like he was there, looking at him. He wanted to take a shower, take a nap, take out his own cock. Couldn't decide so he stayed still and watched. Ty kept it up on his own end with his glassy tired looking eyes staring past the screen.  


 

“Want you to suck me off. Wanna come in your beautiful mouth.” He could click the little x in the corner and close all this, but instead he stayed because nobody but Ty called him beautiful. Tyler would never know he hadn’t watched the video, but then again Tyler always knew everything like some benevolent god. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to watch. His legs felt numb on the tile floor. He wanted Tyler to talk some more. He was usually  too awkward to figure out the right dialogue but when Ty did it everything worked. It was late night HBO nonsense but god did it feel good. It didn’t take long. 

 

“Wish you could watch me all day. You make me so fucking hard.” He whispered into his camera, his hands lazily traveling up and down the shaft of his cock. “You already know that though.” He sighed, tilting his head back without moving his eyes, the whites glowing like his skin. “If you were here I’d let you do anything you wanted.”  He pulled his hand from his cock, letting strands of sticky precum connect the space between his fingertips and the head, he looked at them, glowing like spiderwebs in the light. He put his hand back on his cock, thrust his hips up, letting himself get off slowly. 

 

He stopped for one second, just to bring his left hand up to his lips, sliding his fingers into his mouth. He slurped at his digits obscenely. Josh was almost sure everyone in the neighborhood could hear his mouth sucking at his fingers. Ty brought his legs up to the desk, spread them wide across the wood, slipped his fingers from his mouth. It seemed like everything was going in slow motion. It was already three minutes in. He thought wildly about the fact that their whole family could walk in at any minute on either of them. It was only three minutes in. He swore he saw a shadow in the background move. What if somebody broke into their house right now, what if the other six minutes were a robbery. Tyler moaned softly. It sounded too fake, but it was okay. Half of everything Tyler did was fake.  


 

“Oh, Joshie. I wanna fuck you. I want you to fuck me.” Ty purred, his fingers traveling between his legs, between his hard, leaking cock, down to his ass. He circled his hole with his index finger. His eyes stayed  glued to Josh, his tongue peeked between his lips again as his finger entered him. He gasped as if it were his first time, his eyes wide and wet. Always a drama queen if he wanted to be. He moaned far too loudly, gasping again and sucking in a deep breath. He pressed his finger deeper, just one for now.  


 

“I bet you’re so fucking hard right now, watching me fuck myself.” The words came through his headphones like they were whispered just for him, and they were. He wasn’t wrong, Josh’s cock pressing painfully against his gym shorts he’d been sleeping in. “Touch yourself for me, baby. Right now, J.” Tyler started again, it was like a live stream instead of a pre recording. “I want you to come in your pants watching me.” Josh reached past his waist band, into his shorts automatically, his fingers painfully dry. It didn’t matter, he could hear the sickening soft squelching of Tyler’s wet finger pressing into himself. He dragged his palm across the tip of his cock, ground himself against his fist.  


 

Ty slipped a second finger into his ass, his other hand squeezing his cock rhythmically, his eyes finally tearing away from the camera for a second to look straight into the screen, it must be reflecting the imagine back. Josh knew Tyler was getting off to himself, didn’t care anymore. In the end Tyler always got off to himself. Ty pulled out his fingers, sucked on them, spit hung between his fingers and his lips when he pulled his fingers from his mouth. His eyes hypnotized. 

 

“I know you like when I’m a messy whore.” He hummed to the camera in the dark as the saliva dripped down his chin, his bare chest. He giggled inside his throat. He slipped three fingers into his ass and his moan was real, audible. It wasn’t the overdone acting from before, this was soft and full and Josh knew it was from the pressure. It had to hurt at least a little, to go from nothing to three fingers. Josh groaned, his own cock leaking. Josh could only hear the sounds of his dry hands on his cock, smearing precum down his shaft, Tyler’s heavy breathing in the video, the sounds of his fingers working in and out. He pressed his fingers in further, down to his knuckles, his eyes wide and stuck on the screen. His mouth open. 

 

“Don’t cum. Not til I do. We gotta cum together, baby. Hold on, Joshie.” He begged, his hand around his cock stopping, starting with no pattern, long strokes from balls to shaft, then just short flicks of his wrist around the tip. His parted lips shone in the glow from the monitor. His face was still yellow and blue and purple, the white wash just highlighting the colors. The fingers in his ass scissored open, not drenched with spit anymore he could hear the same dry whisper coming from Tyler’s side of the screen even as his hand became slick under his shorts.He struggled against himself not to come.  


 

“J, please, god, just like that.” He hissed with just a hint of pain in his hushed voice. His fingers twitching inside him, his eyes locked on his on screen twin. He stopped for a second, the world stilled, the air around Josh grew cold and silent. He wasn’t in his house anymore, he was right there, between the desk and the chair with his mouth open and ready. He was frozen in place.  


 

“Oh, fuck, Josh.”  No more nicknames, no more acting. Just raw gasps. Then he was gone, watching Tyler’s cock jerk once, cum splattered the desk, his chest, his fingers. A small clear puddle formed in front of the camera on the desktop. 

 

Josh came, staining the inside of his pants, wet and warm against his legs. The overly warm laptop was burning his numb thighs.  


 

Tyler’s face leaned down against the wood, his eyes glanced up at the camera through his long lashes. 

 

“You’re so good for me, J.” He whispered once more as he lowered his head, opened his mouth, let his tongue lap up the small puddle of come. He sucked his sticky fingers clean. “Bet you wish this was in your mouth. Soon baby.” Ty winked, sitting up straight and tugging a blanket around him from the back of the chair. Josh hadn't noticed it was there. His whole family could be in the background at this point and he'd be oblivious.  


 

“See you  tomorrow.” The video was over and the warm puddle inside Josh’s shorts felt cold and sticky.  As he deleted his downloads he realized he was shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the "natural" end aka: where I stopped writing originally but I am nothing if not a people pleaser. I love and appreciate all the comments / bookmarks / kudos so you tell me - do you want this to keep going? and if yeah what would you be interested in seeing? so let me know if you want me to put together another few chapters. Otherwise thank you for reading <3


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